The Weight is Over

I've been reading many self-help books recently, mostly about diet, exercise and how a person's body functions and reacts to everything just short of the direction in which you brush your hair. In addition to the books, I've found myself reading "fat girl" blogs. Stories about women who were once overweight but have found themselves and their place in society through a tremendous amount of weight loss. These women (and men have their place in this too) state that before the weight loss no one told them how "ugly" they were and no men ever paid them any attention, but now that the weight is off people can't wait to tell them how lovely they look and now guys are lining up for them. PAAAAA-LEEEEEEAAASSEEE! Maybe no one ever told you how ugly you were because you weren't and perhaps your lack of social interaction with men was due to your lack of self-confidence and pitiful display of tactfully interacting with people of the opposite sex.

Ok, so now that I got that off of my chest, I have to get to the real reason I chose to write about this tonight. Since November I have been diligent in watching what I eat and how much I exercise. Admittedly I am doing this for cosmetic reasons, but also for health reasons. When I began this journey I thought I would lose an enormous amount of weight and all my problems would disappear. I would feel great about myself, I would feel more successful and I could finally stop worrying about finding a man. El wrong-o! Turns out your fat cells don't hold the key to your future or your happiness. I wasn't hiding behind my 40 inch waist and 42 inch bust only to be unveiled 50 pounds later as a more confident version of that "really pretty big girl." What happened shocked me. I became obsessed about calories, pants sizes, portions, grocery bills, fiber intake, the amount of time spent exercising, calories burned, water drank, consecutive push-ups completed, shirt size, side profile in the mirror, losing calcium, losing my hair and eventually losing my mind. It had become all about me.

I gradually stopped calling friends and making plans because I couldn't "afford" the calories and instead all I wanted to do was crawl up into a little ball on my sofa and watch Comedy Central re-runs until it was time to workout. I stopped wearing my clothes proudly, speaking like a strong woman and seeking out my interests. I was letting numbers control my life - I never was good at math. Finally, I snapped out of it; for a little while at least. I realized that no matter how much weight a person loses, you're STILL you! I'm still that nerdy girl who breaks out into random dance moves in her apartment, waits until the last possible second to wash the dishes and will flirt with a boy, even when she has one, just because she can. Losing weight didn't make me more suitable for this world, the business world or any other world. It made me realize that people love me for that girl who dances like a geek and for the girl who always has time for her friends.

So if you're out there and you're losing weight for your health - I say good for you! Sure the world needs healthy people, but what the world really needs are people who have come alive.