So now that I have a follower, not of my bloodline I might add, I feel compelled to write to an audience that has expectations. So T-Rock I thank you for this delightful little challenge.
Speaking of challenges... I've been challenging myself to get out of bed in the morning and do something with my life: run. Fresh out of bed at 8:30 this morning I took my happy arse to the arena on campus and had my way with LaFollete Field. Normally running requires a few simple things such as water, headphones, The Black Eyed Peas and a comfortable pair of shoes. Except this morning it required a little extra focus on my part.
Realizing 8 hours later that I had mistaken stubbornness for courage, I lay here regretful that I didn't at least look in his direction.
More than 6 years ago I met the first man that would break my heart. Sure I had experienced loss before, but most of those previous heartaches were only because I really really stupidly love drama. This guy was a little different. Unlike my previous suitors, he was Black. Tall, athletic, hilarious and by all means one of my best friends at college. Well one thing leads to another and two and a half years later I'm left staring, dumbfounded by the words appearing on my AIM message screen. "I don't want to be friends anymore." GULP! WTFrench Toast?!?! No reason. No apologies. All equaling no closure.
So for the past 3-4 years I've been wrestling with these unanswered questions! Why were we no longer friends? Why at that moment? Why me? These questions first were answered with candy bars, then alcohol, then something more constructive like writing and finally when I have found the answer (running) who do I run into?!?!?! Yeah you guessed it. And I wish I could lay here and say I was proud that I didn't even glance in his direction, but I'm not.
I wish I would have looked him straight in the eyes and without saying a single word, my eyes would have told this story, "Ok so for a little while you won, but not anymore. Because of you I questioned everything I am, everything I stood for and everything I was as a woman. Now, it's a whole new ball game. You see I am beautiful and I am tough. You never had the courage to treat me like the woman I was and always will be. Instead you used me. Just like you use everyone around you to get what you want. Well that might be working for you now but one day someone is going to tear you down and spit on you and make you feel like nothing. Make you feel like you never mattered and when that day comes..."
Well the truth is when that day comes I'll be cuddled up next to someone that had the courage to treat me like a woman.
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