Capital Mistake Turns Profit

So now that I have a follower, not of my bloodline I might add, I feel compelled to write to an audience that has expectations. So T-Rock I thank you for this delightful little challenge.

Speaking of challenges... I've been challenging myself to get out of bed in the morning and do something with my life: run. Fresh out of bed at 8:30 this morning I took my happy arse to the arena on campus and had my way with LaFollete Field. Normally running requires a few simple things such as water, headphones, The Black Eyed Peas and a comfortable pair of shoes. Except this morning it required a little extra focus on my part.

Realizing 8 hours later that I had mistaken stubbornness for courage, I lay here regretful that I didn't at least look in his direction.

More than 6 years ago I met the first man that would break my heart. Sure I had experienced loss before, but most of those previous heartaches were only because I really really stupidly love drama. This guy was a little different. Unlike my previous suitors, he was Black. Tall, athletic, hilarious and by all means one of my best friends at college. Well one thing leads to another and two and a half years later I'm left staring, dumbfounded by the words appearing on my AIM message screen. "I don't want to be friends anymore." GULP! WTFrench Toast?!?! No reason. No apologies. All equaling no closure.

So for the past 3-4 years I've been wrestling with these unanswered questions! Why were we no longer friends? Why at that moment? Why me? These questions first were answered with candy bars, then alcohol, then something more constructive like writing and finally when I have found the answer (running) who do I run into?!?!?! Yeah you guessed it. And I wish I could lay here and say I was proud that I didn't even glance in his direction, but I'm not.

I wish I would have looked him straight in the eyes and without saying a single word, my eyes would have told this story, "Ok so for a little while you won, but not anymore. Because of you I questioned everything I am, everything I stood for and everything I was as a woman. Now, it's a whole new ball game. You see I am beautiful and I am tough. You never had the courage to treat me like the woman I was and always will be. Instead you used me. Just like you use everyone around you to get what you want. Well that might be working for you now but one day someone is going to tear you down and spit on you and make you feel like nothing. Make you feel like you never mattered and when that day comes..."

Well the truth is when that day comes I'll be cuddled up next to someone that had the courage to treat me like a woman.

Making Something Out of Nothing

A 12 hour car ride can be best compared to a painful visit to the dentist. You never hop out of the dentist's chair or the car and say, "Yes! That was an amazing experience!" Instead it's usually accompanied with moaning, groaning and a few choice words.

Leaving Virginia was sad to say the least. My best friend of 13 years (or more) is leaving for a 6 month deployment which means I have no one to call and share my most intimate thoughts and feelings with until November if I'm lucky. After visiting with her for only a few short days it was time to take the long drive back. The drive took me through the historic cities of Virgina, the twisting mountains of West Virginia, the most unkempt parts of Ohio and back into the sweet flat lands of Indiana. However, this time I decided that I wasn't going to be in a hurry and since I was going to be driving anyway why not make it memorable.

In an effort to get to bed before midnight, I will recap briefly.

Right outside the city my best friend calls home is the Naval Base in Norfolk. Crossing the bridge at 6AM and seeing the ships against the sunrise is the most intense feeling of freedom you could imagine. The ships stand stoic as the water races at their bases. And besides the aesthetically pleasing characteristics of the Naval uniform, it adds a certain savior faire to the whole scene.

I passed through Virginia seeing exits for cities I've only heard about because of 8th grade History class right into the mountains of West Virginia. The fog rolled across the interstate and down the sides of the mountains. If you looked on either side of the car, you would swear you were floating on a cloud. Eventually, I had to stop. I pulled my car into a rest stop and got out. Standing against the wooden fence and staring out into the beautiful creation gave me peace that God most certainly exists.

A few hours later I rolled into Ohio - a part of Ohio I had never seen. Trailers and mobile homes, junk-filled front lawns, run-down Mom and Pop stores and probably the saddest conditions children could ever live in plagued the small towns along my route. You say to yourself, "I wish there was something I could do to help." But who's to say these people aren't happy? At least that's how I choose to justify what I saw.

Finally Indiana. Home to great basketball and even greater tenderloin sandwhiches. I know I'm not the only person that takes a deep sigh of relief once I see that "Welcome to Indiana" sign. A 70 mph speed limit, Starbucks and Wal-Mart at every exit and absolutely no scenery whatsoever is what I call home.

And home is where I am tonight. Maybe just for now. Maybe for a few more years. But in my 25 years I have never put more thought into 600 miles than I did today.

Creative Outlet

At last I've started what has been on my mind for years: finding a way to channel the creative energy into a space that is all my own. This could be the start of something beautiful or it could be the start of something that is simulatenously the end. At any rate, it's about time.