There are some nights I sit at home and do nothing. Absolutely nothing. Sure, I think about feeding my cat, vaccuuming the carpet, lighting some candels, and maybe washing a dish or two.
However, tonight I didn't think about any of that. I pulled my computer up into my lap and started going through old pictures with my hungry cat sitting right beside me. I came across a photo from a camping trip I took with some friends about a year ago and a picture with a good friend from college. I felt a rush of emotions ranging from gratefulness to sadness. Change in our lives is inevitable. Sometimes the change is good and sometimes it's the last thing we want.
Four people; numerous changes. Mary got married and is raising a beautiful little girl. She has a great career and makes time for her friends and family. Sometimes I wonder how she manages everything at the tender age of 25. Kinsey, my soon to be sister-in-law will be getting married to my brother in less than two weeks. It's almost impossible to imagine life without her in the family. Hard working and perhaps the most attentive, honest and genuine person you would ever hope to meet. Thank goodness she chose my brother. Sarah is doing her thing in graduate school at CMU. Having the pleasure of talking with her a few weeks ago, I noticed a more confident, stunning version of the Sarah I knew just a few years ago. Articulate and hilarious, this woman is going to impact the lives of everyone she meets. And then there is me. The japhie of the group. A year ago I was researching PhD programs instead of applying for jobs and at the time of this photo I found myself wondering if we brought enough food and beverage; not how I was going to manage to put up the tent. So that was last year. It was a good year. But circumstances do change and somewhere along the way things just fall into place.
And I guess that's why some nights I do nothing. The thought that change is inevitable is scary enough. Delaying the inevitable makes me feel rebellious, but mostly anxious. I sometimes wonder when my circumstances will change or even if I want them to change. For now I'm more than content with a hungry cat, a 36-inch television and a busy social calendar.
